Dog Mom + Girl Mom | Stafford, VA
Motherhood means something different for everyone. We all parent differently. Some of us learned how to parent something with 4 legs covered in fur before the doctor placed that tiny, infant our arms for the first time. It doesn't matter how you became a mother. The fact of the matter is, you ARE a MOTHER. Your job is important. Your love is unmatched.
I can remember the day as clear as yesterday. Our puppy was about 12 weeks old. I took him in for a checkup and to get his first round of vaccines since his adoption. My husband was in Afghanistan at the time. We Skyped when I got back home from the Vet and I told him about the visit and the signs to look out for in case Zane had a reaction to the vaccinations. Just as I finished listing them out, I saw this tiny chocolate lab with massive paws pawing at his face. I took a closer look and his lips had begun to swell. I immediately called the vet's office and they told me to get him back there right away. It was a 30 minute drive back there and I drove with Zane whimpering on my lap. His entire face was swollen and he was in pain. I cried the entire way to the vet hoping they would be able to help him. This little dog whom had only been in my life for 1 month had suddenly ripped my heart to shreds as I feared for his life. He was already my baby. When I pulled up, they were already waiting for me and took him out of my arms before I could even get out of the car. I thank God that my friend was his veterinarian that day. As soon as she could break away, she came outside and wrapped her arms around me as I cried in her arms. She explained to me that his heart was beating far too fast and that he was having an allergic reaction. She allowed me to go in the back and see him. He was covered in ice packs and bags of peas with fans on him from all directions. He had been given medicine to bring his heart rate down and stop the allergic reaction. It was scary for me. I don't know how to explain how much my heart felt like it was exposed on that table waiting for the green light that he was okay. I stood there petting him for almost 2 hours.
Today, Zane will be having his second knee surgery. He will be put under anesthesia as they try to repair his cruciate ligament and put a pin in his knee. I try not to cry when I think about it, but it is HARD. Zane has been my baby for 6.5 years. He sleeps at my feet every night and makes his way up next to me if no one kicks him out of the way (those little kicks belong to my girls...). He doesn't get out of bed until he hears me stirring to get up. He follows me everywhere and doesn't let the girls out of his sight.
Why am I writing about my dog you ask?? I felt like a mother long before I had kids. Zane taught me a lot about self sacrifice. I didn't want him to feel lonely as a puppy so I flew both my mom and my mother-in-law out to Texas at different times to doggy sit while I worked. I was in the Army and the days were long and I couldn't bear the thought of him being scared or lonely. Yes, he was spoiled, but I loved him. I drove home every day at lunch to walk him and play ball with him so that he always felt loved. Josh and I walked him every night once it got dark and worked on training him off leash. We spent time with him. We loved him. We taught him. We experienced life with him. We were newly married and it was our first time taking care of someone other than ourselves. He relied on us to feed him and keep him safe. I was completely in love with him.
Today, I'm worried for him again. I don't want him to feel scared. I don't want him to wake up lonely. I can't be there to pet him in the back while they put him to sleep. I can't be the first face he sees when he wakes up. I won't get to feed him. All of these things break my heart. I simply have to wait for a phone call to let me know that surgery is complete and that Zane did great. I know he will. I know this surgery is best for him. I know these things in my head, but in my heart... my heart hurts anyway.
This part is going to sound crazy, but when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I distinctly remember crying to Josh in the bathroom one night when I was just about in my third trimester. I was scared I wouldn't know what to do with our baby. My exact words were, "I'm scared to even say this out loud, but what if I love Zane more than I love our baby?!" I meant it too. I LOVED being pregnant (I'll write about that another day), but I LOOOOOVED our dog. I had him figured out. I knew what to do to make him happy. I knew how to care for him. He loved me unconditionally. He was EASY. What if that baby wasn't easy?! What if the maternal gene didn't turn on at birth?
You see, I never liked babysitting growing up. I never wanted to be a teacher surrounded by children. My sister had a day care and it stressed me out just THINKING about having to watch all of those kids. Kids were not my thing. I could give the best hoola hooping lessons and piggy back rides on the planet to my nieces and nephews, but a BABY?! Needless to say, my mind was completely blown when I gave birth and held my daughter in my arms. The mom gene flipped on. I learned everything I needed to know and when I didn't know what to do, I asked for help. That's all us mamas have to do in life.
Mamas, you are ENOUGH. Don't even let that woman staring you back in the mirror tell you anything different. And certainly don't let any other woman let you feel like anything less than the amazing human being you are. No one else can do your job better than you. You were MADE for it.
